Saturday, January 01, 2005
Thank you!
Thank you once again to those who have responded to me.
I think essential traits I admire in my husband are missing in my previous notes. He is a self-made person, highly critical and disciplined. I admire most of his traits and I truly believe in his opinions.
True, he has taken a strict stand in my case. But as he repeatedly tells me, patience wears thin over period of time. Though the summary of my past got revealed to him right in the first week of our marriage (after he probed me for truth), it took him 5 months to get into the actual details like names, duration etc. This irks him to the hilt.
I think he himself undergoes see saw of emotions. And he never allows me to forget the fact that I victimized him!
The sad part is that my so-called friends and family have a good opinion on me. This, as my husband says, proves what sort of a secret-life I had been living! Double-standards, hypocrisy, low-life are the some of the adjectives he hurls at meL
He has been suggesting self-help books to me right from our first month of marriage. Both of us believe in 'reading'; though my interests primarily had been in fiction, the last 4 months saw me reading science and philosophy-related books. He has been my best critic so far! He makes me think and re-think. I have been reading on 'Self-Deception' and 'Lying', but still can't muster courage to talk about the logistics of my past. I cannot pull myself to rattle events-list in chronological order.
I am unable to put his every suggestion and advise into practice – but I wish I could!
I think essential traits I admire in my husband are missing in my previous notes. He is a self-made person, highly critical and disciplined. I admire most of his traits and I truly believe in his opinions.
True, he has taken a strict stand in my case. But as he repeatedly tells me, patience wears thin over period of time. Though the summary of my past got revealed to him right in the first week of our marriage (after he probed me for truth), it took him 5 months to get into the actual details like names, duration etc. This irks him to the hilt.
I think he himself undergoes see saw of emotions. And he never allows me to forget the fact that I victimized him!
The sad part is that my so-called friends and family have a good opinion on me. This, as my husband says, proves what sort of a secret-life I had been living! Double-standards, hypocrisy, low-life are the some of the adjectives he hurls at meL
He has been suggesting self-help books to me right from our first month of marriage. Both of us believe in 'reading'; though my interests primarily had been in fiction, the last 4 months saw me reading science and philosophy-related books. He has been my best critic so far! He makes me think and re-think. I have been reading on 'Self-Deception' and 'Lying', but still can't muster courage to talk about the logistics of my past. I cannot pull myself to rattle events-list in chronological order.
I am unable to put his every suggestion and advise into practice – but I wish I could!
Comments:
<< Home
I just wanted to say don't be discouraged. What you did in the past you know was not good, but you can be made clean again. I believe God is waiting for you to come to him, and he can make you good, and teach you how to live a right life.
Thinking of you,
Hannah
Thinking of you,
Hannah
# posted by 
: January 2, 2005 at 2:06 PM
: January 2, 2005 at 2:06 PM
Why not try to write it all down on paper, as an autobiography? Then he can write his, too. If you're having trouble remembering things, it's understandable: we block out uncomfortable episodes in our lives. Also, people lie because they're afraid of something. Maybe at first you didn't "tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth," but for him to continue to berate you and call you names isn't going to help you remember. Try writing it down on paper (not the blog). As you remember things, you can add them in the right chronological order. Seeing a counselor probably wouldn't be a bad idea, either.
Do you know why you continue to defend him and his actions?
Do you know why you continue to defend him and his actions?
Hi, again! I posted a comment on your Dec. 31 post, here, http://f-dup.blogspot.com/2004/12/newyear.html#110478091628664946
I'm still worried about you. You're still defending him and praising him and at the same time, saying, "he never allows me to forget the fact that I victimized him!" and :Double-standards, hypocrisy, low-life are the some of the adjectives he hurls at me."
I'll say it again: Do you really want to love a man you know doesn't care for the person you now are? A man who calls you lowlife slut and a hypocrite? We who had abortions and now regret them also have been called hypocrites, but we've risen above that kind of verbal abuse. He is now victimizing YOU for your past. Yes, you hid the truth, we know that is wrong, but you are apologetic for it and have made that known to him. He will need time to get over his anger and feelings of betrayal, but by hurting you back, he is getting revenge on you and that is not a loving manly thing to do, no matter what culture one has.
Verbal abuse is still abuse. It's still wrong. He could also be called a hypocrite, since one who supposedly loves someone else is hypocritical for calling the loved one a slut. How can he say he loves you or sees good in you if he also calls you such things?
You need and deserve a husband who will never say an unkind word to you. If he can get over his hurt and stop throwing the past in your face, maybe he can become that kind of man. Maybe not. A good therapist will help. Please, call the suicide hotline and the Rachel's vineyard hotline I gave in my comment earlier.
Post a Comment
I'm still worried about you. You're still defending him and praising him and at the same time, saying, "he never allows me to forget the fact that I victimized him!" and :Double-standards, hypocrisy, low-life are the some of the adjectives he hurls at me."
I'll say it again: Do you really want to love a man you know doesn't care for the person you now are? A man who calls you lowlife slut and a hypocrite? We who had abortions and now regret them also have been called hypocrites, but we've risen above that kind of verbal abuse. He is now victimizing YOU for your past. Yes, you hid the truth, we know that is wrong, but you are apologetic for it and have made that known to him. He will need time to get over his anger and feelings of betrayal, but by hurting you back, he is getting revenge on you and that is not a loving manly thing to do, no matter what culture one has.
Verbal abuse is still abuse. It's still wrong. He could also be called a hypocrite, since one who supposedly loves someone else is hypocritical for calling the loved one a slut. How can he say he loves you or sees good in you if he also calls you such things?
You need and deserve a husband who will never say an unkind word to you. If he can get over his hurt and stop throwing the past in your face, maybe he can become that kind of man. Maybe not. A good therapist will help. Please, call the suicide hotline and the Rachel's vineyard hotline I gave in my comment earlier.
<< Home
